Showing posts with label Jason. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jason. Show all posts

Monday, November 9, 2015

#21: New computer isn’t “Tard-proof”:

The administration of my school in their infinite wisdom decided it would be a good idea to give our classroom a new computer.

Never mind the fact that we have a filing cabinet that is older than any of the  staff, and has a history of trying to kill my students. They decided not to replace that, but instead replace our perfectly functional computer. If I sound bitter, it’s because I am, but the administration soon learned the error of their ways.

Our classroom originally had an Apple IIe computer. The tards were allowed computer time as a reward for doing something correctly, i.e.. going a full day without swearing, not hitting anyone for a week, not shitting their pants, etc.

This computer was very simple to use. The aids put a game disk in the drive and turned the computer on. Most of the tards who manage to get computer time know how to mash the space and enter keys, and that tends to be all that their games require. This computer never gave us a problem, other than occasionally having to pull shit out of the keyboard or turn it off and back on again because it got dropped. It managed to sustain drool, temper tantrums, flying objects, and repeated unplugging.

The same could not be said for our new computer. First of all we had to get all new games. The tards didn’t like this. It was frustrating enough for them to learn how to play the games the first time, having to do it twice was just unthinkable. This lead to a general dislike of the new computer amongst the tards.

One day Leigh saw one of my aids insert a CD-ROM into the CD drive to install a program. As soon as the aid turned her back Leigh had hit the eject button and slammed her hand on the tray hard enough to break it.

This made the situation much worse. Not only didn’t the tards like the new games, but we couldn’t even install them. After disciplining Leigh (she lost computer time indefinitely), I called the librarian (our schools PC technician) to tell her what happened. She said she would bring down a new CD-ROM and install it around lunch time. I asked her if we could have our old computer back, and she told me that the new one was far better, and I should really forget about the old one. This pissed me off. No librarian bitch is going to tell me what’s best for my class. I decided it was about time Jason got some computer time.

It took Jason about 3 minutes of frustration before he kicked the monitor off the table and hit the computer with his chair. Apparently he couldn’t figure out how to get the games started. The librarian gave us back our old computer because the cost of replacing our new one was just too much. Jason got punished, I took away his computer time indefinitely, or more specifically until I need another computer smashed.

Image result for broken computer

#6: Cops take Tard

Not all of the students that I deal with are there because they have some sort of medical issue. Some of my students are just severe disciplinary problems. One of them, Jason, has "violence" problems. I have had to pry him off of my other students enough that I've really come to dislike his violent behavior. He's the kind of kid that will try to take your lunch, and if he didn't get the satisfaction of taking your lunch he'll kick you in the shin just to spite you.

He was out on the playground the other day, when he started a fight with another student who was heading to the bus horse shoe for a field trip. This student was from the fifth grade, and much, much larger than Jason. Just then Jason does the unthinkable. He pulls a lock-back knife out of his pocket, snaps it open, and charges the fifth grader.

Now "getting shanked by tards" isn't on my job application, but I have to do something, so I sternly yell for Jason to line-up because we're going back inside. The tards didn't notice it was a good 10 minutes before line-up time, but hey, they're retarded. Everyone starts lining up, and Jason comes over, knife still in hand. I ask Jason to give me his "toy" and told him I'd give it to him after school. He hands me the knife, which I immediately close and put in my pocket. I then take Jason inside, call the police, and call the principal. After talking with the principal and the police officer who took Jason away in a squad car I don't think I'll be seeing much of him anymore.

Friday, November 6, 2015

19: Jamel likes Riti's friends

My best friend Jason is awesome. He is so fucking funny. My students (tards) love Jason for this reason: He is 6'8". He volunteers once a week at my school to be a "lunch buddy" with Jamel, the Sudanese kid.

Jamel's world is similar to Tucker Max in this respect: He is the most self-absorbed little fuck ever. Unless it concerns him, Jamel is completely uninterested.

A few days ago Jason showed up to eat lunch with Jamel. He then went out to recess with Jamel. At one point, I go out on the playground to talk to him. We are talking shit about the retards when Jamel runs up, hugs Jared's leg, and yells,

"You’re cool AND funny AND you're my friend!"

Jason's immediate response: "What do you mean I'm funny?"

I know exactly where he is going with this, I am loving it immediately.

"What do mean, you mean the way I talk?" Jamel realizes I am laughing my ass off and laughs with me, even though he has no idea why I am laughing

"Funny how? I mean what's so funny about me?" I am still laughing, and Jamel is too, and he is still oblivious as to why either of us are laughing

"Let me understand this cause, I don't know kid, maybe it's me, I'm a little messed up maybe, but I'm funny how? Like I'm a clown? I amuse you. I make you laugh...I'm here to amuse you. What do you mean funny how? How am I SO FUNNY?"

At this point, another mature (read: old and lame) teacher is walking toward us. Jason stops with the Goodfellas imitation, and Jamel screams to the teacher, "My friend is cool and funny and he eats lunch with me and no one else if I am good on Wednesday!!"