I had plans to go to a bar called Tonic with some of my girls. The night was going great and I was ready to partake in my share of drinking and dancing at the trendy hot spot. I went up to get what I believe was my third gin and tonic--what my friends claim was my fifth--when a heard a familiar voice.
"Hey! Miss Pell!”
I turned to see Misty’s cousin, Terry the dog groomer, staring down at me. All 320 pounds of flannel wearing Terry was eagerly eyeballing me with her rough, reddish skin and Marlboro Red dangling from the side of her mouth.
"John Goodman, hey.” I was drunk and giggling and I’m not sure she understood what I just said. Plus, I was extremely shocked to see her in this type of club.
"Um…no, it’s Terry, Misty’s cousin.” She said. Maybe Terry never watched Roseanne.
"Yeah, um Terry, I need to get a drink and join my friends and pee. You have a good night.” I needed a way out. Fast.
"Wait, let me buy you a shot. Least I can do,” She offered. Who can pass up a free shot?
She bought me a jager-bomb and as soon as the bartender served it up, I quickly snatched it, downed it, and muttered a quick, “Thanks!” before I dashed away.
This was followed by Terry loudly saying, “No problem toots!”
Puzzled and feeling a vaguely violated, I double fisted the rest of that night.
The next day my friends said I was so drunk that I could barely stand. They said in the cab ride home I kept proclaiming over and over that, “John Goodman called me toots.”
Showing posts with label Terry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Terry. Show all posts
Sunday, November 8, 2015
6: Terry's team
It was Monday morning and I knew there would be a new student joining my class. Just as the day was beginning, the principal knocks on my door and drops off a new bundle of love. A freckly, pale, skinny kid walks in wearing baggy jeans--tapered and tight against the ankles, a big purple fleece shirt, and dusty red hair in a buzz cut.
I’m playing the pronoun game because at this point I seriously have no idea if this is a he or she. I would have put $20 down on it being a boy based on the looks and haircut.
“This is Misty. She will be joining your class,” he introduces to the class.
After showing Misty to her desk and reading the class a story, it was time for recess. Since this was her first day, I went outside to check to see if Misty was interacting with the other children. I notice many kids circling around her, taking turns rubbing her head. I walk over and ask what is going on.
Misty pointed at her hair, “Terry cuts it!” She says proudly.
“Who’s Terry?” I asked her.
“My cousin.” I left it at that and class resumed.
At the end of the day, I got some of the kids on the short bus and was waiting out front for the kids who are picked up. Suddenly, a big black Dodge Ram Diesel truck roars into the parking lot. A woman, who resembled John Goodman, jumps out of the truck and comes over. I just knew this barn door of a woman had to be related to the new girl.
“I’m Terry, Misty’s cousin.”
The only reason I knew this was a woman was because of her mammoth breasts that filled her sleeveless flannel shirt. This was Terry, the source of Misty’s haircut. As the extended cab diesel truck pulled out of the school parking lot, the rear hatch of the cab read in bold white letters: “Terry and Joan’s Pet Groomers”.
That was all the explanation I needed.
I’m playing the pronoun game because at this point I seriously have no idea if this is a he or she. I would have put $20 down on it being a boy based on the looks and haircut.
“This is Misty. She will be joining your class,” he introduces to the class.
After showing Misty to her desk and reading the class a story, it was time for recess. Since this was her first day, I went outside to check to see if Misty was interacting with the other children. I notice many kids circling around her, taking turns rubbing her head. I walk over and ask what is going on.
Misty pointed at her hair, “Terry cuts it!” She says proudly.
“Who’s Terry?” I asked her.
“My cousin.” I left it at that and class resumed.
At the end of the day, I got some of the kids on the short bus and was waiting out front for the kids who are picked up. Suddenly, a big black Dodge Ram Diesel truck roars into the parking lot. A woman, who resembled John Goodman, jumps out of the truck and comes over. I just knew this barn door of a woman had to be related to the new girl.
“I’m Terry, Misty’s cousin.”
The only reason I knew this was a woman was because of her mammoth breasts that filled her sleeveless flannel shirt. This was Terry, the source of Misty’s haircut. As the extended cab diesel truck pulled out of the school parking lot, the rear hatch of the cab read in bold white letters: “Terry and Joan’s Pet Groomers”.
That was all the explanation I needed.
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